Letra Last Will And Temperment de The Frantics original
Last Will And Temperament By The Frantics Available on Frantic Times, CBC Records LM484, 1984 EXECUTOR: As the executor of Mr. Muldoon's estate, I have been empowered to read Mr. Muldoon's Last Will And Testament. HEDGE: Well, get on with it, the bars open soon. JENNY: Oh, poor, dear Arthur! Waaaa! HANK: Oh, there, there, Jenny. RALSTON: God, how predictably boring. MRS. MULROY: I never worked for a kinder man. EXECUTOR: If we are all seated, I shall proceed with the reading. RALSTON: I knew it. HEDGE: Heh heh heh heh. EXECUTOR: 'I, Arthur Durham Muldoon, being of sound mind and body...' HEDGE: That's a laugh! EXECUTOR: '... do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows. To my overly emotional sister, Jenny...' JENNY: Waaaa! HANK: Jenny, darling, he's talking about us. JENNY: Oh. EXECUTOR: '... who grubbed with her husband, Hank, grubbed for everything they could get from me, and then cried crocodile tears when I needed sympathy...' JENNY: What? EXECUTOR: '... To Jenny, I leave a boot to the head.' JENNY: A what? BONK! JENNY: Ow! HANK: Jenny, are you okay? EXECUTOR: '... and another boot to her wimpy husband, Hank.' BONK! HANK: Ow! HEDGE: Hahahahaha... JENNY: This is an outrage! EXECUTOR: '... ah, but still, you are my sister, you have both admired my Rolls Royce, and since I no longer need it...' JENNY: Oh, dear Arthur, he's too kind! HANK: Yes. EXECUTOR: '... I bequeath another boot to the head.' JENNY: What? BONK! JENNY: Ow! HEDGE: Hahahaha... EXECUTOR: 'And one more for the wimp.' BONK! HANK: Ow! EXECUTOR: 'Next, to my alcoholic brother...' HEDGE: Hey, I don't want no boot to the head! EXECUTOR: '... to dear Hedge, who has never worked a day in his drunken life...' HEDGE: I'm coverin' up my head! EXECUTOR: '... I leave my wine cellar and three crates of my finest whiskey.' HEDGE: Really? EXECUTOR: 'And a boot to the head.' BONK! HEDGE: OH! EXECUTOR: 'And another for Jenny and the wimp.' BONK! JENNY: Oh! BONK! HANK: Ow! EXECUTOR: 'Next, to my know-it-all nephew, Ralston...' RALSTON: This is so predictable... EXECUTOR: '... I leave a boot to the head.' BONK! RALSTON: Uh! I knew it. EXECUTOR: 'And one for Jenny and the wimp.' BONK! JENNY: Ah! BONK! HANK: OH! EXECUTOR: 'This takes care of family obligations. And now, to Mrs. Mulroy...' MRS. MULROY: Oh, uh, I don't want nothin'. EXECUTOR: '... who took care of me faithfully these many, many years, who cared, made me laugh, brought me tea...' MRS. MULROY: Oh, I didn't mind. EXECUTOR: 'To Mrs. Mulroy, I bequeath a boot to the head.' BONK! MRS. MULROY: OH! EXECUTOR: 'And one for Jenny and the wimp.' BONK! JENNY: AH! BONK! HANK: OH! EXECUTOR: 'And so, to my cat Mittens, I leave my entire vast... boot to the head!' BONK! MEOW! EXECUTOR: 'And finally, to my lawyer, who has helped me on this will, I leave not a boot to the head... but a rabid Tasmanian devil, to be placed in his trousers!' Ooohhh! Oh, huh huh huh huh, and, and, '... and I leave my entire estate of $10 million to the people of Calgary so they can afford to move somewhere decent!' Huh. HANK: Is that it? RALSTON: That's it? HEDGE: That's disgraceful. EXECUTOR: There's one last thing for everyone. HEDGE: Cover your heads, everybody! EXECUTOR: 'I leave everyone a lifetime supply of ice cream.' HANK: Ice cream? HEDGE: Ice cream? RALSTON: Ice cream, that's all? EXECUTOR: That's all. MRS. MULROY: Well, what flavor is it? EXECUTOR: Boot to the head! BONK! BONK! BONK! BONK! ALL: OW!